I am an American woman planning to marry a Turkish man who is 12 years my junior.We are both Atheists so religion is not a factor, we are not really close to our families, so we are not looking for acceptance there. But my fiance’ is very concerned with the age difference. He feels we will be ostracized and shunned by his friends and community. He lives in Istanbul. He says no one marries older women in his culture. Is this something to be very concerned about?
I am an American woman planning to marry aTurkish man who is 12 years my junior. My fiance’ is very concerned about the age difference. He feels we will be ostracized and shunned by his friends and community.He says no one marries older women in his culture. He won’t even consider us living in Turkey because of this. He currently lives in Istanbul. He has no doubts about marrying me but insists we cannot live in Turkey. Is this something to be concerned about?
First, a Turkish superstition: If the woman is older in a marriage, then the couple is supposed to become rich.
I think this at least means that such marriages are not a taboo and people can accept it.
However, he is right; the society does not like marriages between older women and younger men. If his family is not conservative, then I believe your age would be more of a matter than your cultural background. Still, the Turkish society is surprisingly progressive in many terms and I think people can adapt to many unusual things easily and your being from a different culture would actually help with acceptance. This is particularly true for explicitly non-conservative circles.
If his family is conservative, one more good news: The first marriage of the muslim prophet, Muhammad, was to a woman (Hatice – Khadijah) who was 15 years older than himself and she is well respected in Islamic tradition.
March 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Its usually frowned down upon in turkish culture (at least within Turkey), but his family might be just fine with it. If you guys are happy, see if it works out.
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March 6th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
if he gives you all the excuses in the world then he does not love you. He clearly proves that he does not want to marry be cause of his culture. My wife is 21 years older than me and we were not concerned with anything except love for each other.
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March 6th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
First, a Turkish superstition: If the woman is older in a marriage, then the couple is supposed to become rich.
I think this at least means that such marriages are not a taboo and people can accept it.
However, he is right; the society does not like marriages between older women and younger men. If his family is not conservative, then I believe your age would be more of a matter than your cultural background. Still, the Turkish society is surprisingly progressive in many terms and I think people can adapt to many unusual things easily and your being from a different culture would actually help with acceptance. This is particularly true for explicitly non-conservative circles.
If his family is conservative, one more good news: The first marriage of the muslim prophet, Muhammad, was to a woman (Hatice – Khadijah) who was 15 years older than himself and she is well respected in Islamic tradition.
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March 6th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I am agreed with Mark .
Just be careful , does he really want to marry you ? Sometimes men just seek a kind of excuse because they are not ready for commitment .
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March 6th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
I am Turkish and I know in my family it is not greatly accepted. But im sure some families do accept it.
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March 6th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
It’s completely normal. normal than a girl marrying older guy believe me. there are so many examples about that -within the celebrities tho- and turkish people believe that guys can control older women more confidently and they find peace in their marriage because women like being treated as a baby.
wish you happiness
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March 6th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
No problem with love in a match…
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